WAIT, before you light that match!
Most of you have probably heard the term gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse enacted on someone to make them question their thoughts, feelings, reality, and even sanity.
Although I work with clients on how to spot and respond to this type of psychological abuse, I have noticed more and more how clients have deeply internalized this behavior by constantly questioning themselves and therefore diminishing their self-confidence.
It's called gaslighting yourself or self-gaslighting.
Are your thoughts about yourself primarily judgmental?
If so, it was more than likely modeled for you by a parent or caregiver at a very young age.
Not because they were trying to inflict harm (hopefully), but because they didn't know any better.
Thoughts like:
Let me put myself down before anyone else does.
Talking to myself this way keeps me grounded.
Don't get too big for your britches.
Diminishing thoughts like these aren't helpful!
And, when it becomes a pattern of suppressing your thoughts and emotions, please recognize that you are doing yourself a disservice.
Here are some examples of how self-gaslighting might look.
I'm always to blame.
I should know better.
Whatever I do is never enough.
Stop being so sensitive.
You better toughen up.
So what can you do, and how can you turn it around?
Awareness of your internal dialogue is vital. Notice how you speak to yourself.
Recognize that all of your feelings and emotions are valid, and you have the right to express them.
Alternatively, explore how did self-gaslighting serve you in the past?
How did it help you cope with certain toxic situations and relationships?
You can honor this survival skill while learning to release it in the present.
Learn to become more compassionate with yourself.
Breathe.
Deep belly breathing puts you in touch with your emotions.
We are so much in our heads that we sometimes forget there's a body attached to it.
Your emotions are vibrations in your body, and it's through the body that we can access them.
Really feel them. Get curious about those vibrations and where you feel them specifically.
Sometimes just noticing a vibration is enough to dissipate it.
When you find where the tension, or vibration is, focus and breathe into that part of your body.
You might cry, or you might have other thoughts come up. Just keep focusing on being present with it.
Usually, the tension dissipates within a matter of minutes. It was just letting you know, hi, I'm here!!
Write.
Another wonderful thing you can do for yourself is take out a piece of paper and write down all your thoughts.
Just write what's on your mind without criticism or judgment. Then see what feels right for you and what you can let go of.
Decide on purpose what you want to believe to be true instead. So if, for example, your thought is, everything is always my fault.
Can you reframe it to, someone placing the blame on me doesn't make it true.
You are resilient AF and can get through whatever life throws at you.
I truly believe that, and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Have a beautiful day!
If you want to learn more about what coaching with me is like, arrange your complimentary coaching session with me today.
